Writing Mond--Winchester Nearly Starves to Death!

I hope The Writer had a good time! She left me for three whole days without food! I'm so weak I can't even move.

Winchester! This is Writing Monday! You aren't supposed to be here.

I'm hijacking this blog. I have to let the world know how I'm being mistreated. This blog is my lifeline to the world. Let everyone see how much weight I've lost.

Oh, for heaven's sake. That's an old picture, before you gained a ton. And before the The Writer left for graduation she gave you enough food and water for a week. Any normal cat would still have had food when The Writer got home last night. But you scarfed every crumb before The Writer had pulled out of the driveway last Friday.

Any and all donations greatly appreciated. I'm particularly fond of Meow Mix but any food will do. Please . . . .

Graduation!

The Writer is off to graduation! She will participate in the 166th commencement exercises at Hollins University in Roanoke, Virginia, on Sunday, May 18.

With all that exercising she should come back home really skinny.

Ellsworth's and Winchester's Guide to Life

I've typed the title page to our handbook. What do you think?

I think you've made a slight mistake.

What mistake? I spelled your name right.

But you put your name first. And it's in great big type. My name is in little puny type.

"Ellsworth's and Winchester's Guide to Life" sounds better than "Winchester's and Ellsworth's Guide to Life."

That depends on who's listening. You're a big title hog!

This book was my idea! Go write your own handbook!

I will! And it'll be way better than your stale old book. Mine will be a best seller. I'll be on Letterman and Cat-prah.

Cat-prah? What's that?

A talk show for cats. Cat-prah is very influential in the media world. My book will leave yours in the dust!

Time Spies Mission Handbook

Look what The Writer has! It's a way cool book club kit for the Time Spies series called the Time Spies Mission Handbook! There's a poster for teachers to display. And a whole book with activities and games and stuff about the series and how to run a book club. There are invitations and maps and a certificate signed by The Writer. Best of all, there are stickers! The Writer has truly arrived! She has her own stickers!

Are we in it?

[thumbs through the book] We must be. We're the stars of the series. But I don't see us.

Not even a tiny little mention?

Winchester, they left us out of the Time Spies book club kit! You know what this means, don't you?

We quit the series?

No. We write our own handbook. Starting tomorrow. We'll show them!

I'm on board.

Writing Monday: Getting Over Yourself

The Writer has just come back from the International Reading Association convention in Atlanta. While she was there, she walked around the convention floor. She talked to people in the booths and attended several sessions. Everyone talked about getting children to read, teaching children to read, writing books for children to read. It was all very, very serious.

The Writer came home thinking she needed to be very, very serious, too. She's always been serious about her work--

But not about anything else. Like feeding certain cats, for example.

--and about the impact of her work on young readers. But she realized that if she thinks about the end result of writing--her books being put into the hands of children, her books in context with children learning to read--she will freeze and never write another word. The best way to get over herself, she decided, was to go back to basics. Being the child she was.

That's not much of a stretch, you know.

It's not enough to observe children. Writers of children's books must find the child they once were and write for that child. So The Writer is going to play games with the child she once was. First they are going to color. Is there anything more childlike and non-serious than coloring? The Writer thinks all children's book writers should break out the crayons and get down on the floor and color. It's time to put the "child" back in writing for children.

The Writer's Mother's Day

Mother's Day is Sunday. We're fixing The Writer a special breakfast tray so she can eat in bed.

I love it when The Writer is sick and her husband brings her food to eat in bed! Something always drops on the covers and guess who's there to snick it up? Of course, I don't like her to be too sick. A lot of coughing and hacking jostles the bed and keeps me awake--

Will you pay attention! This is about The Writer, not about you! Now, the perfect Mother's Day breakfast tray has these essential items. A flower in a vase.

Check.

A picture of her mother to make her feel cherished. One of her favorite books.

Check. Check.

The tea set. A fancy cloth. And a homemade Mother's Day card.

Check. Check. Check. I noticed you drew yourself better than you drew me. Next year I get to make the card.

Now for the food. I bought Butterscotch Krimpets because The Writer loves them.

And I bought havarti cheese because The Writer probably likes it.

Havarti cheese! Whoever heard of havarti cheese on a Mother's Day breakfast tray?

It's better than the sweet rolls you got--The Writer will go into a sugar coma. At least the cheese will give her much-needed protein.

I think you bought the cheese because you like it.

Maybe I should sample a little corner. Just to make sure the cheese has reached room temperature and its full-bodied flavor.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!

This post is dedicated to Matt Murray

Back from Atlanta

Get up! Guess who's home?

[yawn] Oh. It's what's-her-name.

The Writer has only been gone four days, Winchester. I know you remember her. She worked hard at the International Reading Association convention. Be a little appreciative.

Yeah, it's hard work going out to fancy dinners every night . . . I heard her talking to her husband. She had crab and barbequed chicken and fried chicken and pecan pie and apple tart . . . a real tough job waddling away from the table.

She did more than eat. Anyway, she had to keep her strength up. Do you know she had three signings and they kept running out of books? Her publisher had to ship books overnight so there'd be some for the next day's signing. Everyone seemed excited over the Time Spies Mission Handbook. And did you see somebody drew my picture on the sign announcing the autographing?

I noticed nobody drew my picture. Next time I'm going to the convention. It's time people met the real star.